I bitch, I moan and torture myself sometimes but I NEVER give up!

I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles.~Brene’ Brown

It’s so easy to get caught up in someone else’s reality.
The hard part is to focus on what you want and live it
without distractions like expectation or compromise!

The toughest thing you’ll do in your life is just be you.

“Nothing worth having, will ever be given to you” – I dig that. I feel that. I live that.
I’ve gotten a lot of “help” along the way, I’ll be the first person to admit that. That is a HUGE part of why I “pay it forward”.  But as I sit here right now, I realize that it wasn’t the help I truly needed. I thought it was though. I really did think that someone giving me something would somehow make my life easier but it didn’t. I always found myself in the same situation shortly down the road because I didn’t learn a damn thing.

What I needed was your love, your time, your support. I needed someone to believe in me.  What it boiled down to in retrospect was I needed to believe in me.

I needed to believe in me in order to truly change my life. 

And I did end up changing my life.
Slowly.
Painfully.
Struggling for ever inch of forward movement.
I lost so many “friends” when I didn’t have time to do what they wanted.
These were not my people.
I spent a lot of time alone.
A lot of time wondering if I just wasn’t meant to have friends, connections and peace.
I listened to videos on YouTube on personal development.
I read so many books.
I spent a lot of time alone, sometimes intentionally but most of the times it wasn’t.
I felt alone.
I broke down.
I broke away and then I broke through…

What I want, what I aim to protect now is my dedication to living a positive life.  The person I am was created from that struggle. From the negativity that surrounded me and tried to swallow me whole. 

I’ve struggled but just because I have doesn’t mean it’s any easier for me now.  It doesn’t meant I am more “OK” with it anymore than you are. It just means that I know that I will survive which is an amazing level that most never get to because they are too scared to fall, fail or be embarrassed.

From mountain to valley to mountain again, I just never stopped and built a house of regret. I may have pitched a tent and enjoyed the self pity for a small period of time but then I packed up and got back on MY trail.  I always knew I was meant for more.

I don’t give up. I bitch and moan and torture myself sometimes but I don’t give up. I do see how far I’ve come and I’d never go back to where I was. In fact, it’s not even a choice. My mind has been stretched and will never hold that shape again.

Are you ready to pack up and start your journey again?
You can do it! I’m here for you..

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